By FRANK WARD
DailyPhiladelphian.com Editor

Please note, this is strictly satire.

While many in the Twitterverse were ripping Ryan Howard for going to the Eagles-Falcons game on Sunday for a TV stint, little did anyone know he was simply on a search for his bat which had been MIA.

A clue came in that forced him to go to the Linc.

A fat man was seen scarfing down a big piece of lumber at an All-You-Can-Eat buffet this morning.

Howard initially thought of FOX “reporter” Tony Siragusa who is known for his affinity for food as well as his mafioso personality. Goose, however, wasn’t the culprit.

However, upon entering the Eagles locker room, The Big Piece happened to see a rather large item wrapped in about 122 yellow flags. He then walked over to No. 71′s locker and picked up the concealed item. Yeah, it was his bat.

Seems Jason Peters needed to find a cane thick and sturdy enough for his fat ass as he heals from whatever injury he has this week.

Howard promptly went two-for-three with a walk as the Phillies evened the NLCS at 1-1.